Walking Away

Since we’ve been in quarantine, I’ve had the chance to chat with many people across the country (and London!) about dating and relationships. One of the many questions I asked was why they thought they are still single. One trend I kept hearing, again and again, is that they stayed in relationships (or situationships) for too long. We tend to be scared of the unknown when really there is something much better waiting for us on the other side. It’s hard to let go of someone that you once cared deeply for, or maybe still do, even though you know they aren’t right for you in the long-term.

I often write about active dating for passive dating. Passive daters aren’t really looking for relationships but somehow stumble into them. They don’t evaluate their partner for long-term potential and tend to be in many dead-end relationships. Active daters are putting themselves out there, asking good questions, and letting people go who they don’t see a real future with. You could be strung along by someone for years and miss your opportunity to meet someone who will give you the things you want from life, including a family. I have come across quite a few people, both men and women, who didn’t date with purpose in their 20s or 30s and have come to an age where they might not be able to have the family they have always dreamt of. Those dealbreakers you had back then might not seem so bad in your 40s.

Having love and respect for yourself will give you the strength to leave a relationship that might fulfill some needs but not the ones most important. I truly believe your gut tells you when something is off and the more you don’t listen to it, the worse your perception of the relationship will be. You always know when something is wrong. If you’re with someone that gives you a lot of doubts or makes your second guess yourself or the relationship, you need to listen to that and walk away.

When you poll divorced men and women and ask them if they have any regrets about their divorce, the most common answer is that they wish they had done it sooner. We fear what our lives will look like without this person but if you’re truly unhappy, then things can only go up. I know we look at Instagram and see how happy our friends and family are but that’s. not reality. Everyone has tough days. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else and truly figure out what will make you the happiest in your life.

Even if you’re holed up for convenience during the pandemic, you don’t have to be stuck in a situation that isn’t good for you. Sure, it’s more fun to be in quarantine with someone but don’t use that person to entertain you for a few months if you don’t have any real intention of being with them after this all ends. Living with someone you don’t know very well is definitely not something I would recommend in typical times but if you can survive quarantine together, you’ll probably make it for the long haul!

xo,

AM