Recovering From A Disappointing Date

We have all gotten really excited about a first date. Maybe you got your hair done or picked out a new outfit. You might have called a friend for a last minute pep talk. My clients certainly do that with me! We can put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make this first date the first of many dates to come. We create all of this drama in our heads and it causes us to become nervous versions of ourselves. We project a huge fantasy on someone that we barely know… or maybe never have even met. Maybe it’s been weeks, months or even years since we were excited about a first date. It’s great to be excited and optimistic about meeting someone new but you have to remind yourself that this person might not be the end all be all of our lives. They might just be someone you meet once and never see again. You have to make sure your mindset going into the date is hopeful but realistic. All you can really ask for is someone to show up with an open heart and an open mind. First dates are meant to be fun and light. Nothing is guaranteed.

That being said, you might like someone on a date but the feeling isn’t reciprocated. You might have thought the date went really well, that you two connected but to then be told they don’t feel the same or even worse, you never hear from them at all. You have to remember that this isn’t personal. You aren’t everyone’s flavor and that’s OK. You don’t need everyone to like you… just one. You truly have no idea what the other person has going on in their lives that could have made them not want to see you again. Maybe they are going through financial troubles, family issues or even health scares. Or maybe they just didn’t feel that connection. A few glasses of wine can make someone seem more interested while on the date than they are when they are sober. After careful consideration, they might realize you two don’t really have enough in common to continue seeing each other. This isn’t personal. We are all on a mission to find our person. In reality, there are many people you could end up with but various reasons could make particular connections not longstanding.

Your job is to be the best version of yourself and if someone doesn’t connect with you, it isn’t personal. Reflect on the date and see if there was anything you did or said on the date that might have made your date not feel the connection. Did you have one drink too many? Did you talk about a past relationship too much? Did you come across as someone who is negative or bitter? First dates aren’t mini therapy sessions. You’re there to get to know someone and see if there is a chance for a romantic connection. We have all been through our fair share of ups and downs but that’s not what defines us. Think of the date as a tennis match - conversation should flow back and forth. Make sure to tell your date what your passions are and ask about theirs. What gets you up in the morning? Tell them about the people you love in your life and the amazing experiences that have shaped you. This person is still a stranger so they haven’t earned the right to know personal or private information about you.

Don’t let a disappointing first date keep you down. Learn any lessons you can and apply them to future dates. You’re going to go on many first dates but keep the end goal in mind. You are looking for a long term partner. Don’t get unmotivated by the short term disappointments. It will all work out in the end if you truly believe that you deserve love.

xo,

AM