Playing Games

I get asked a lot about playing games in a relationship. Playing hard to get, playing it cool, playing like you just don't care, etc. All of these games are about distance. It's ironic when you think about it because in a relationship we just want to feel close. So why all the games?

I talk a lot about keeping boundaries when entering a new relationship. Men tend to speed things up the first few months to only cool off after women have reached that emotional hook. That's when all the games start. But is there a way to avoid playing games altogether? 

If a woman was able to control her emotions and not fall for the same trap in the beginning of a relationship, I think there would be no need to play games. If you start the relationship at your own pace, you won't need to distance yourself once he starts to cool off from you. Taking it slow and not seeing each other more than a few times a week in the first few months helps pace the relationship and gives you the time to really evaluate that person and decide if that's someone you want to enter a serious relationship with. 

I have many friends who think their new love interest is "the one" after only a few weeks. After 6-8 weeks they begin panicking that something is wrong because the guy has cooled off. They were used to spending 5 nights a week together and all of a sudden he is busy with his friends / work / gym etc. This is a pattern that will always repeat itself unless you make sure your weeks are filled with activities outside of him. 

Maybe you're already in that 6-8 week period where you feel him pulling away from him. So do you distance yourself now? Yes, but not for the reasons you think. Every action and decision you make should be based on if that's the right move for you. You can't make decisions based on anyone else. So yes, you should distance but to give yourself time to reflect on the relationship and to really think about if this person is right for you. Do you have a list of important qualities in a partner? If not, write that now. Write down every quality you need in someone and be as specific as possible. How do you spend Sunday together? Does he want to have a dog one day? Does he play with your hair while relaxing on the couch? Take that list and compare it to the person you're currently seeing. Is it worth spending another month or two with someone you know you won't end up with in the long haul? 

Comments are on so please feel free to share your thoughts on playing games in a relationship. Are you a game player?

xo,

AM