The Authentic You

While I was conducting my market research, the one common theme I kept hearing from both men and women was that there were no quality men / women out there. I was surprised that both sexes felt that way. 

Naturally, my next question was, "Who is considered quality to you?" Women just wanted men to mean what they say and say what they mean. They were frustrated with how men could just drop off the face of the Earth. Women kept saying over and over that they wanted a man who was caring and thoughtful - someone nice. 

Men, on the other hand, were looking for a woman who was authentically herself and wouldn't change after a few months of dating. They wanted the woman to remain being who they thought she was when they first met. 

A friend's dad once said, "Women always want to change a man while men hope the woman never changes." 

So how do women remain themselves in a relationship? Seems like we tend to shoot ourselves in the foot with this one. Before the feelings become real, we're able to laugh and not take things too seriously. But after we realize this could be something real, we tend to behave counter intuitively to what we want. 

These patterns of behavior not only need to change but can easily be changed. Women tend to put a lot of pressure on a new relationship while blaming the guy for speeding things along in the beginning. Men will always try to speed up a relationship at first to only slow down once it feels like he has you. Our job as women is to always remember to take it slow and keep our calendars full with activities that do not include him.

Make sure to always have at least 2 activities each week that he is not invited to. Whether it's a girls' dinner or yoga with a friend, anything that makes you feel good about yourself that is outside of him. One person will never bring you all of the joy and happiness you could ever need. It's important to find that happiness from other sources, such as working out, meditation, friends, family, volunteering, etc.

This will make the difference between some girl he dated for a month to someone he really respects and sees a future with. If you were someone who had a busy, full life when you first met the guy, continue being that person. I know you want to spend all of your time with him at the beginning but that's the exact opposite of what you should do. 

Always be authentic to who you are and never give up on hobbies or activities that are important to you. I guarantee you will see a big difference in your next relationship if you practice this rule!

Let me know if you've tried this and it worked for you.

xo,

AM

datingrehabnyc@gmail.com